Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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