fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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