If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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