this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
