I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
