my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
