my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
