Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
