Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
