so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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