He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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