I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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