I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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