dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
