all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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