I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
