at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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