I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
