Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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