This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
