I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
