im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
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