wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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