I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
