i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
how drunk are you?
Several
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
