When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
