What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
