I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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