I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
