i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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