According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
