How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
