1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
