i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
