I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
