Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
