I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
