A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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