1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
