When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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