Will you blow on my dice?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
