we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
