Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
