Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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