I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
