Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
