please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
