shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
