Don't make out with my wife yet
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
