conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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